A letter to my 18-year-old self

I might not be considered as that old, being 24 and all but I definitely think you grow up and change a hell of a lot in just these six short years. And just because I like to reminisce on ‘old times’ and laugh at my younger self, I thought I’d write a letter to my younger self, because you know, why the hell not!

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Dear 18-year-old Holly,

You spend 95% of your time wondering what will happen to you in the future and here I am writing to tell you.(well in theory) first thing though, you will still spend a lot of time planning and wondering about the future, old habits die hard don’t they?

Let’s start here then, the future. In a year’s time something big is going happen, you’ll apply to uni and get in, in Portsmouth! I know, crazy right? How? Well I think it half has something to do with Bianca and you needing a change of scenery. Don’t worry about planning the finer details it will take you approximately 4 months to move your whole world down there. You can, and you will do it!

The first 3 months will be hard, really hard and you’ll cry a lot but it’s ok you’ll make some friends and for the first year, you’ll love them but surprise, surprise, it will go a little belly up because of a boy and rightly or wrongly you’ll stick by your gut. And that’s okay. Talking about new friends- You’ll love Bianca’s friend Elliot though, he’s lovely.

The next bit might sound a bit crazy and if only hindsight was a real thing but your care is going to be a bit complicated and sometimes unfair but it will get better in the end- eventually. If I could go back in time and scream this I would, whatever you do, no matter how attractive it looks, DO NOT sign a care contract from an older guy. This is bad news and as a result you will no longer aspire for a career in advertising. (Although this will be a blessing for some).

Career wise, and don’t shoot me but you’ll begin to build a career around your disability. Don’t even give me the whole “I don’t want my career to be about my disability, I’m more than that” nonsense. Yes Holly, you are more than that, clearly, you never let anyone forget it but you’ll find that you will come across a number of things that will make you angry, and you being you, will use your determination and passion for standing up for what you believe in (excuse the pun) to help those who don’t have a voice or who are not able to see change happen.

That leads me to the dreaded ‘D card.’ You’ll still keep a relatively upbeat attitude about your wheels, forever joking about it being all an act and a ploy to get some ‘free money’ there will be times when it does get hard and it will affect you in ways you never thought possible but you know, you’ll soldier on, what other choice will you have?

Any other thoughts? Love? Stop lusting after people that don’t appreciate you. Your friends have told you that repeatedly, listen to them. Your time will come, you meet a nice guy and he will love you and you love him, this relationship may not end in marriage like you hope it will, but you’re not perfect and it will let you figure out what you really want in a relationship.

Aside from all this change, you’ll still be a bit of a goof, obsessed with Lion King, making people laugh at your inappropriate jokes, and still have this need to be liked, despite the fact you’ll tell people you don’t care what they think.

Have fun in the next six years, you’ll go to a bunch of concerts and you should always be thankful for what you have. As cliché as it sounds, your life may not be perfect but it’s the hand you’ve been dealt with, play it well.

 HollyBea

P.S You will get a tattoo so be patient, you’ll end up with three by the time you’re twenty! x

 

 

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