This blog post was particularly hard to write. I want to talk about the infamous ‘quarter life crisis.’ Admittedly I am a self-confessed drama queen so stress is pretty much a normal emotion for me but let me tell you, a quarter life crisis is way more than that. I’m 25 in a matter of months, I graduated a year ago and finally joined the employment ladder but in last couple of weeks I can’t help but think that this isn’t enough. When I graduated I was so focused in making a difference to other disabled people’s lives and fighting equality that (and at the risk of sounding cheesy) I forgot whom else I am.
As far as I can work out, around 25 a sense of panic is totally normal. (well at least I hope so), Am I doing enough? Is this the career I want? Should I travel? Other people are so much more successful than me. Why am I still single? Am I interesting? Do people actually like me? These were most of the thoughts that have contributed to my feeling of crisis.
5 years ago when I decided that I would relocate and go to uni, I always vowed that I would not be defined by my disability and as much I haven’t let it stop me doing what I want, I can’t help but think that choosing to just focus on disability either mine or other people’s, I’m doing the exact thing I said I wouldn’t do.
Today, this is why I’ve applied, been accepted, and about to start my loan application to begin studying for a Master’s Degree in September. Yes that’s right even after all the stress of my undergraduate degree, for the next 2 years I’m going to be a media student all over again. Studying Media was the reason I came to Portsmouth and right now I feel I owe that to the other half me, the half that’s a woman who’s a teeny bit obsessed with celebrity and can analyse just about anything.
Now I might live to regret this decision when the assignments start rolling in but like old Disney movies, media made me happy once upon a time and I’m almost sure that it will again. Who knows what it will lead to? So applying for uni has helped curb some of my crisis and I still plan on being an advocate for equality for disabilities but like many disabled people, my disability is only half of what I am. But in true fandom form, the best words about anxiety have come from Taylor Swift.
Last weekend my sister and I went to Hyde Park and I must say, this time last year she was one of these artists that I hated to love but now I can honestly say that there’s no form of hate here anymore. It was a super catchy, typical pop concert that I’m sure puts Madonna circa 1990 to shame, so much glitter, dancing and full of beautiful women. No pop mega star concert would be complete without a monologue of inspiration for the fans and this where Swift did not disappoint.
Video Credit @Ericka Espino
“ [We] Listen to our anxieties or the voices that tell us you’re not who you want to be and you can’t be who you want to be or that you want to be more like that person over there…
…People are mean to each other but no voices are as mean as own voices are…
…You are not somebody else’s opinion of you, you are not going nowhere just because you’re not where you want to be yet…”
What I’ve learnt in these last 2 weeks is even the people who seem like they have it all together don’t and your own happiness is just as important as anyone else’s. I can’t say that I think this quarter life crisis is over but nothing ever changes if you don’t let it.
A little note: I’m thankful and equally sorry to each and every person that has supported me lately, I’m sorry that there are no easy solutions, I’m sorry for messaging you in a state of panic but be sure to know that I’m super thankful for every second you have all listened and I’ll certainly repay the deed when needed. Now before this post turns into cheese fest I’ll sign off.